a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - friday 25th July 2008

Friday – 25^th July 2008

Eggplants

 

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ each - three for a dollar."

All day long, customers came in exclaiming:
"Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants.

The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer,

"Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"

"What mistake?" the grocer asked.

"Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."

 

vasus musings

man is ever ready to point out and correct

mistakes of others but not his own

actually ending up making unintended mistakes 

 

the grocer is smart enough

to understand this human nature

and having tailored the right wrong sign

can happily watch his top & bottom line

hatch and grow quickly

like eggs and plants

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Wednesday  - 23^rd July 2008

 

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa, taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer, along for the company.

 

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

 

The old Jack Russell thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

 

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!'

 

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard, so off he goes.  But the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

 

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

 

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

 

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...

 

'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

 

vasus musings

wine gains taste and value with age

likewise bullshit and brilliance are gains

that come with experience and old age

 

may not the youth challenge

the ‘youthfully challenged’

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity

Tuesday – 21^st July 2008

Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.

This was when Taliban was influential.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands – but were now 20 paces behind …

From Ms. Walter's view point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and what more –appeared to be happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,

'Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation, said,

'Land Mines.'

 

vasus musings 

behind every successful man

the saying goes

there is a smart woman

 

lo behold the new saying

behind every man shattered to piece

there is a smart, complete woman in peace

 

when the majority fails to succeed

who is behind them

one has to wonder

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Dear Prize Winner,

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Forward the following details to MR. ARET FRANKLIN to
enable her clear your file for immediate payment:

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Once again Congratulations!!!

Yours Faithfully,
MR. Aret Franklin

----------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent using IMP, the Internet Messaging Program.

a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - tuesday 8th July 2008

Tuesday – 8^th July 2008

 

The executive was interviewing a young man for a position in his company.

Wanting to find out something about the young mans’ personality the executive asked,

"If you could have a conversation with someone - living or dead - who would it be?"

The young man quickly responded,

"The living one"

 

vasus musings

express many a kind and good word

when someone is alive

and yearning

for unspoken words

have no meaning

either to the alive or to the dead

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THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING

DEAR FRIEND,

GREETINGS.

   I AM  MR WILLIAMS KABOR  THE BRANCH MANAGER OF THE BANK OF AFRICA ,OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO.I GOT YOUR CONTACT IN MY PRIVATE SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE THIS CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION: "THE TRANSFER OF THE SUM OF $4.5 MILLION UNITED  STATES DOLLARS TO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCIALITY.

    FIRST I MUST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION, BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRET. THOUGH I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WILL MAKE ANY ONE SCEPTIC, BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY.BECAUSE,I HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS "RISK FREE",EVERY MODALITIES HAVE BEEN PUT IN PLACE TO ENSURE THAT THE TRANSFER IS CARRIED OUT LEGITIMATELY ACCORDING TO THE LEGAL PROCESS AND OUR BANKING POLICY HERE.
   THEREFORE  CLARIFY IMMEDIATELY IF YOU WILL BE CAPABLE  TO HANDLE THE DEAL WITHOUT FLAWS FROM YOUR SIDE TO ENABLE ME SEND TO YOU THE DETAILS OF THE DEAL TO YOU TO RESPOND  IMMEDIATELY,BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT THE FUND TO BE DISCOVERED BY THE BANK AUDITORS WHO ARE TO ARRIVE IN DUE COURSE TO AUDIT THE BANK FOR THE SECOND QUARTER OF THE BANKING SEASON,TO RETURN  IT TO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED BILLS!. THEREFORE, TO AVERT THIS NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT, A FEW OF MY COLLEAGUES AND I, NOW SEEK FOR YOUR SINCERE AND HONEST CONSENT TO PRESENT YOU AS  THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER ,SO THAT THE FUND WILL BE RELEASED AND PAID INTO YOUR FOREIGN ACCOUNT AS THE SOLE BENEFICIARY OFTHE  FUND.

    MOREOVER,30% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF THE FUND WILL BE FOR YOU FOR PARTICIPATION AND PROVISION OF THE ACCOUNT WHERE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFERED,WHILE 60% WILL  BE ME AS THE CASE MAY BE, AND 10% IS FOR ANY LITTLE EXPENSES THAT WILL BE INCURED DURING THE PROCESS,BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO WAY BY WHICH THE BANK WILL TRANSFER  THE FUND TO YOUR  NOMINATED  FOREIGN ACCOUNT WITHOUT LITTLE EXPENSES.HENCE, AS SOON AS WE RECEIEVE YOUR  AFFORMATIVE  RESPONSE TO ASSIST IN THE DEAL,I WILL START THE PRELIMINARY PROCEDURES ON YOUR BEHALF.SO,CLARIFY AT ONCE TO ENABLE US PROCEED. 
 

BEST REGARDS,
MR WILLIAMS KABOR  .   (MANAGER).

______________________________________________________
Szezon nyitó nyárigumi akciók a www.gumi1.hu portálon!

a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - friday 4th july 2008

Friday – 4th July 2008

A out of work man and his wife are doing grocery shopping at the local store.

The man picks up a case of beer and sticks in into the shopping cart.  

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10.00 for 24 cans," he says.

"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20.00 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.

"Whoa, what do you think you're doing?" asks the man.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.  

The man replies, "So does the beer, and it's HALF THE PRICE!"

 

vasus musings

 

if beauty is in the eye of the beholder

and it comes at half the price

listen ye women

chuck the external face cream

let your man have the beer

and see you as a great dream

 

hear again all ye dear women

beauty out of beast – makes the beer

feel better and not bitter

 

three cheers to

the spirit of hops and barley

for it makes every woman look like

angels of Charlie

 

grin and beer it  J

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - thursday 3rd july 2008

Thursday 3rd July 2008

I'm the Boss

The boss was complaining in the staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read:   ‘I AM THE BOSS’ and taped it to his office door.

However when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a small note to the sign that said:

"Your wife called, she wants her sign back"

 

vasus musings

a sign board need not be

the sign of real position or power

real respect does not come

from title or position

or by command or demand

it has to be deserved and earned

and comes from real value addition

 

pretending to be otherwise

it wont be long before

one gets the sign

from the real boss    [God through his instrument called time]

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