a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - tuesday 1st July 2008

Tuesday – 1^st July 2008

Paying in advance

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.

The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened.

He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher.

"But in six years it would have been worth $900.

So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900.

It's postdated six years from now."

 

vasus musings

why not accept

what the present

presents now

why be avaricious  & demand

the potential future value now

only to end up loosing even

the net present value ?

 

why is man the only animal

that trades the present

for the future?

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - friday 4th July 2008

Friday – 4^th July 2008

Retail Experience

John was the manager of an upscale men's wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing George for the recently advertised salesman role.

John looks at the resume and notices that George never worked in retail before.

John says to George, "What chutzpah, if you don't mind me saying. For someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

"Well I suppose I am," George replies, "but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing and how to do it.

vasus musings

has someone spilled the

untold secret of

why higher the position

larger the real pay

but lesser the hard work

a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - tuesday 17th June 2008

Tuesday 17^th June 2008

Duelling Barbers

Bob, was a old barber.  He had been running his salon for decades and charged nine dollars for a hair cut.  His customers loved his light hearted nature and the care he took to ensure the hair cut was to their satisfaction.

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read:

"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

Bob was smart as much as he was wise.   Not to be outdone,  he put up his own sign:

"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

 

vasus musings

if one wants to grab

the competition by the hair

one must be prepared

for a close shave

 

playing on ‘price’

appeals to the head

but playing on ‘assurance’

appeals to the heart

 

p.s: even the greatest monarch of this world, has to bow his head to two persons….

One – to God, while praying

Two – to the barber while having haircut

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RE: this weeks post in my blog - echoes from silence....

---

Subject: this weeks post in my blog - echoes from silence....
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:53:14 +0530
From: vasu.chittipeddi@wipro.com
To: gopalan.venkat@wipro.com; mohan.srao@wipro.com; chandramouli.ranga@wipro.com; srinivasan.sridhar@wipro.com; Shankaran.Thiruvannadhapuram@honeywell.com; mohanram45@hotmail.com; sethi.brij@gmail.com; uma.m@conseroglobal.com; elangathu@yahoo.com; muralisainath@yahoo.co.in; rmnthr@yahoo.com; padma.c@sonata-software.com; heheha1on1.vasusmusings@blogger.com; Zombie_wacky@msn.com; sab.magnifico@gmail.com; priya.mouli@hotmail.com; srivivenkat@gmail.com

The countdown  2 -1 - 0

 

if at all there is anything

called realization

then

 it is the

merging

of the

TWO

into

ONE

and

dissolution

of the

ONE

into

NONE

 

let the

countdown

begin

 

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---

Enjoy 5 GB of free, password-protected online storage. Get Windows Live SkyDrive.

new maths equations .....

 
               Mathematics
 
Equation 1
 
Man = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
 
Donkey = eat + sleep
 
 
Therefore,
 
Man = Donkey + work + enjoy
 
 
Man - enjoy = Donkey + work
 
 
In other words,
 
Man who doesn’t enjoy = Donkey that works
 
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
 
 
Equation 2
 
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
 
Donkey = eat + sleep
 
Man = Donkey + earn money
 
Man - earn money = Donkey
 
In other words,
 
Man who doesnt earn money = Donkey
 
 
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
 
 
Equation 3
 
Woman = eat + sleep + spend
 
Donkey = eat + sleep
 
Women = Donkeys + spend
 
Woman - spend = Donkey
 
In other words,
  
Woman who doesn’t spend = Donkey
 
 
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
 
 
To Conclude:
 
Man earns money - not to let woman become Donkey!
 
Women spends money - not to let man become Donkey!
  
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys!
 
And the Donkeys lived happily ever after! 
 

p.s:

Follow up to my   2-1-0……What applies to self realization works for the ‘samsaara’ too….

Man earns for 2….woman [1] spends it….nothing [0] remains…

 

 

---

From: VASU CHITTIPEDDI (WT01 - CHIEF TECHNOLOGY OFFICER'S OFFICE)
Sent: Monday, June 16, 2008 10:53 AM
Subject: this weeks post in my blog - echoes from silence....

 

The countdown  2 -1 - 0

 

if at all there is anything

called realization

then

 it is the

merging

of the

TWO

into

ONE

and

dissolution

of the

ONE

into

NONE

 

let the

countdown

begin

 

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The information contained in this electronic message and any attachments to this message are intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s) and may contain proprietary, confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately and destroy all copies of this message and any attachments.

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this weeks post in my blog - echoes from silence....

The countdown  2 -1 - 0

 

if at all there is anything

called realization

then

 it is the

merging

of the

TWO

into

ONE

and

dissolution

of the

ONE

into

NONE

 

let the

countdown

begin

 

Please do not print this email unless it is absolutely necessary.

The information contained in this electronic message and any attachments to this message are intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s) and may contain proprietary, confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately and destroy all copies of this message and any attachments.

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - monday 16th June 2008

Monday – 16^th June 2008

 

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:  
"Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,

 "Doin' just fine!"
And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that?  At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

"Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"  
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.  I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the guy say nervously...  
"Listen, I'll have to call you back.  There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

 

p.s: start the week with a clean ‘paet’…[as in hindi].

 

vasus musings

whether it is nature that calls kindly

or it is a call of the nature kind

it is better to find

the nature of the call

before one replies blindly

 

all questions need not be calls

all calls need not become quest

but when the call turns into a quest

awake and leave the rest

 

it is to a supreme power

that we all need to apply

but when we get the real call

better to answer

and not just reply

 

life is just a call

to answer or not

is our choice

or is it ?

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - 'friday the 13th' June....2008.....

Friday – 13^th June 2008

Son-in-law

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

"I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the businessman.

To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business.

All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then, you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law.

"I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office.

What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

 

vasus musings

life is mostly a ‘fair’

with lots of thrill rides, acrobatic & clownish shows

with lots of toys- games-and treats on show

there is fun -there is excitement-there is adventure

but instead of coasting around

like a child in wonder

why do we often loose

the music and freedom

& instead focus on noise and boredom

expecting someone to simply ‘buy us out’ !!

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - thursday 12th June 2008

Thursday – 12^th June 2008

 

Tyson Foods visits the Pope

A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church.”

The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”

“Well,” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’”

Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”

Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread...’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’” and he leaves.

The next day, the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals and says

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion.

The bad news is that we are losing the Wonder Bread Account.

 

vasus musings

all of mans’ creation

is nothing but a ‘discovery’ or ‘tinkering’

of what the creator has already created

for who can refute the fact

that we cannot even create a strand of hair

or a blade of grass

 

forgetting this – we foolishly labor

bartering material nothing

trying to negotiate Godly favor

 

having twisted and turned

and interpreting to our convenience

we have forgotten

the original word of God

 

God doesn’t need our favor

our existence in itself

is his mere favor

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - wed 11th june 2008

Wednesday -  11^th June 2008

 

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired.

"Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine till the 9^th tee," he said -then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee"

"Oh, that's dreadful" cried the wife.

You bet, it was, said fred, for the next 8 holes,

it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry !

 

vasus musings

why relentlessly hit & drag

and become tired or nag

life, like golf is just a game

just relax and be a game

 

p.s:

each of us is a tiger in our own woods

blessed with our own stripes of good

 

 

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - tuesday 10th June 2008

Tuesday – 10^th June 2008

 

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it.
If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"

 

vasus musings

even though life is a bubble

we for sure fill it full

of mischief and trouble

 

our earthly parents

plead, cajole, bribe or punish

wishing to protect us

from the effects of our mischief

 

while God – our real parent

is silent, smiling and waiting

knowing that his children

tiring of their childish pranks

will have to finally

come and join his ranks

 

has God gone missing

or have we missed God

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echoes from silence....ego - the circuit breaker

Monday –09^th June 2008

 

Energy

is ever present

and flowing

as positive and

the negative

‘i’

complete the circuit

and the current surges

 

but

my ‘ego’

acts as a

circuit breaker

most of the times

 

cutting off the flow

resulting in no glow

 

the few moments

when the ego is ‘off’

the current flows

and there is

beautiful light

a soundless silence

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - Monday 9th june 2008

Monday – 9^th June 2008

 

High School Reunion

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink, as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asks, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes', I sighed. 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My Gosh' says my wife

'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long'

 

vasus musings

people drink to drown their sorrow

people drink to drown in joy

is there an irony - i wonder

 

that which sees low and high

with an unseeing eye

is only death and time

drinking scores a close second

me thinks

 

celebrations or regret

depends on the person

not the drink

what do you think ?

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a bit of laugh + a by(i)te of sanity - friday 6th june 2008

Friday – 6^th June 2008

 

Vice President

Tom was so excited about his promotion as Vice President and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him,

"Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the department store!"

"Really?" he said taken aback. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the department store.

A clerk answers the phone.

Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk responds

‘fresh’, ‘frozen’ or ‘canned’ ?

 

vasus musings

whats in a title ?

title need not reflect position

position need not reflect power

power need not reflect worth

worth need not reflect value

 

we are the only one

that needs to know

our worth & value

for - the day we know

is the day we begin

to live life

on our terms

 

our values are our real value !

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a bit of laugh + a bite of sanity - thursday 5th June 2008

Thursday – 5^th June 2008

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane.

He turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smirks.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.

Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.

The little girl then says

'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?’

 

vasus musings

why take false pride

in our possessions

tangible or intangible [knowledge]

and try to take others for a ride?

 

lets not forget that everything

starting with our breathing

is just a borrowing

if not a supreme gift

 

if at all there is any

then humility

is the only qualification

of real knowledge

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